The Goodies Logo 'Football Crazy'

by Graeme Garden
and Bill Oddie
The Goodies

The nation is in the grip of football violence: Bill becomes a hooligan, his extreme anti-social behaviour earning him the ‘Twerp of the Month’ award; fans run riot in the terraces; and the teams themselves keep getting arrested for violence on the pitch. With the police refusing to work at crowd control, Tim steps forward as the new Chief of Police in charge of cleaning up football hooliganism; recalling a time when the game was nice and decent, he does away with sexy football kits, reinstates the big collars and long shorts of more innocent times, and only allows one spectator, Bill. Unfortunately the first new-look match is slow and boring – until a goal is scored, and the players end up in a writhing mass of kissing and cuddling. Upset that his plan has gone wrong, Tim decides to console himself with a night out at the ballet; however, on his way through Covent Garden he is followed by a gang of football hooligans, who end up joining him inside the theatre – and then go wild at the performance of ‘Swan Lake’. Soon the whole country goes ballet crazy. Deciding to represent Cricklewood, Tim forms his own ballet team using former footballers, and they play against Aston Villa in a televised match…

Spoof Advertisement: Drink Scotch Whiskey

Bill Oddie (Bill), Tim Brooke-Taylor (Tim), Graeme Garden (Graeme), Fred Dinenage (Himself), Wayne Sleep (Ballet Footballer), Kenneth Wolstenholme (Interviewer), Kim Gavin, Alan Forrester, Trevor Willis and John Cross

Produced and Directed by Bob Spiers
Executive Producer David Bell
Music by Bill Oddie and Dave McRae

16th January 1982

*Featuring Tim, Bill and Graeme