by Doug Naylor

After Lister’s latest kebab monstrosity results in a console fire in the Drive Room, the ever-officious Rimmer demands that he fill in a colossal accident report form and send it to the ship’s Safety Executive: one A.J. Rimmer. But Lister refuses, more interested in investigating the life signs just detected on a nearby moon. Meanwhile, Cat’s ship-wide hunt of an annoying space weevil is interrupted by the arrival of Kryten, pushing a trolley containing his latest experiment, a cluster of crystals that are able to increase the rate of coincidence; Kryten then gives a demonstration, which results in him and Cat becoming quantum-entangled, saying and doing everything in perfect unison the more emotional they get. Returning to Lister’s quarters, Kryten is surprised to see his colleague outside through a window, in space wearing a spacesuit and jet-pack; letting him in through an airlock, Kryten learns with mounting disapproval that Lister left Red Dwarf to play cards with some Biologically Engineered Garbage Gobblers (BEGGs) and has gambled away both Starbug and Rimmer! When Rimmer finds out that he has been lost in a poker game he is furious, and proposes running away from the BEGGs; but Lister vetoes the idea – he now has a Groinal Exploder strapped to his body, programmed to detonate in twenty-four hours unless he pays his debts! Rimmer’s gleeful laughter at Lister’s predicament is cut short by Kryten, who points out that with Lister dead Red Dwarf’s computer will shut down the ship and all its systems – including Rimmer… Blasting off in Blue Midget, the gang head back to the moon to bargain with the BEGGs, offering the wondrous ‘Spoon of Destiny’ in exchange for Rimmer; unfortunately, the BEGG leader still wants the “sexy” Rimmer, but offers Lister the chance to win him back in another game – with Kryten and Cat as the stakes. As an overwrought Kryten warns Lister that he is being set up, his and Cat’s emotional state triggers their entanglement – and by a stroke of coincidence, the BEGGs all choke to death. Left with no way to remove the Groinal Exploder, the gang return to Red Dwarf. Kryten suggests increasing his and Cat’s emotions again, so Lister promptly cuts off Cat’s pony-tail; on a nearby television set, the dialogue from two film characters suddenly provides clues that point to Cat’s book on coincidences; this in turn gives a set of coordinates to where the device was made: the Erroneous Reasoning Research Academy (ERRA). Arriving at the ERRA space station, Kryten explains to Lister, Rimmer and Cat that the academy specialised in wrongness as a means to develop new theories – but it never worked. Taking the lift down to the vault (by pressing ‘up’ of course!), the crew arrive at a huge reinforced door. By switching to soft-light, Rimmer is able to step through the door and into the vault, where he finds a row of stasis pods, one of which contains a living being. Lister’s hopes at finding Kochanski are quickly crushed when the occupant is revealed to be Professor Irene Edgington, inventor of the Groinal Exploder – and currently a monkey, thanks to a failed experiment in evolution. Back on Red Dwarf, Kryten manages to re-evolve the professor, who returns to human - and very naked - form. After her recovery the cute, ditzy blonde professor agrees to show her new friends how to unlock the exploder. Accessing the device’s systems via the drive computer, Kryten and Rimmer work at interpreting Irene’s confused attempts to recall the correct sequence; as the exploder’s clock ticks down to zero Kryten and Rimmer manage to guess correctly: with just one second to go the device unlocks– Lister’s ‘love-spuds’ are saved! A while later, Rimmer is enjoying his time with Irene, who says all the right things to bolster his ego, even though she actually means the opposite; however, having secured the promise of a shag Rimmer is devastated when Lister accidentally bumps the professor into an airlock, and he watches helplessly as Irene accidentally flushes herself out into space. Ever helpful, Lister offers to fill out an accident report form…

Chris Barrie (Arnold J. Rimmer), Craig Charles (Dave Lister), Danny John-Jules (Cat), Robert Llewellyn (Kryten), Steve Wickham (Begg Chief), Peter Elliott (Chimp), Nick Williams (Chimp Puppeteer), Jun Matsuura (Chimp Puppeteer), Sydney Stevenson (Professor Irene Edgington), Emma Campbell-Jones (TV Character 1), Nick Barber (TV Character 2)

Directed by Doug Naylor

Produced by Richard Naylor
Executive producers Charles Armitage and Doug Naylor

TX: (Dave)
25th October 2012 @ 9:00 pm

*Featuring Dave Lister, Arnold Rimmer, Cat and Kryten

*This episode runs longer than in previous seasons, at forty minutes